Hurt

Last night someone close to me said something very simple, but something that cut very deep. This person is important to me and I hold him/her in the highest regard a friend could have. I trust this person with my problems, my concerns, and my joys, but now it is difficult to want to share anything with this person. While I was glad that this person was straightforward with me, which is something we've been working on, it wasn't something that needed to be said. It was rude and inconsiderate and made me extremely angry. Wrathful. I don't like feeling that way. It's so hard to forgive sometimes and I'm not sure how to ask God to help me in this. Instead of a friend, I feel like a burden now. I've never felt like this in the year and a half that we have spent time together. I have known this person since I was seven years old and ... well, I guess I can't really "know" someone. I can't say I'm surprised that this happened. I have invested a lot of time and energy into this relationship and now I feel like abandoning the situation. I'm supposed to love my neighbors, but it's especially difficult when that love is not reciprocated. It makes me want to change the company I keep and disappear, though they(you) are all wonderful people. It makes me want to find a new home. It makes me want to leave. It makes me feel like a shadow instead of a sunburst, which was what this person was to me. I want this person to know that it will take a long time for me to open up again. I also want this person to know that I am strong and I will do what is necessary to live life as God calls me to. I will still be able to reach out and to smile, but I feel that it is time to direct my positive energy as much inwardly as I do to others. I want to say that I'm extremely thankful for everyone I've met recently, especially at Coe. It seems like I meet someone new and exciting every day who shares the same kinds of passions and goals that I have. Sorry I've been ignoring you, guys. It's clear that I need to direct my attention somewhere other than where it's been.

Sorry for the "diary entry," but they say to write what you know.

Thankful

I felt like writing this to remind myself of how positive I feel right now when I have a bad day. I got to go to Wednesday Dinner at Tif and Steven's last night - www.haveninthehood.blogspot.com - because my night class was cancelled. This semester will be over soon, and I look forward to having Wednesday nights back with these wonderful people. The presence of God in this family's house is amazing and I could not be more blessed to know these guys. Choosing to send positive vibes from this neighborhood is a hard thing to do, and I can't think of a family with a more open or loving outlook. I also want to say that with 4 kids and one on the way, Tif and Steven know how to share with the community in a priceless way. Also, Citadel is a really great game! It brought out some of the nerd in me. :)