The Roommate

Soul mates seem to be the people we wish we could have kept close by our sides, but some big wrench got thrown in the way along the line and now that relationship, with the soul mate, is tainted. Forever? I've heard too many people say 'if only i hadn't done this...' the relationship would have survived. That's not the conduct of a soul mate. It's a cheap excuse for an easy way out.

Go get that person. Don't settle for the person you're with or the situation you're in because it's not fair to either one of you. And I think you'll both feel better about it. If you really are soul mates, no wrench can get in the way. The people you're spending time with now might be upset at you, and you might question yourself. But if you're wasting more time regretting not being a 'go-getter' for that special person, just do it. I've been dealing with this issue for a year and a half and I'm tired of seeing dim lights in the place of appreciation.

Time Flies

It's hard to believe that this semester is almost over. Instead of celebrating Coe's Flunk Day on Monday, I stayed home to clean my house. It looks great. I'm wrapping up assignments as well as starting new ones, and it seems that I'm getting stuck with tunnel vision more and more. Anybody else feeling overwhelmed?

Hurt

Last night someone close to me said something very simple, but something that cut very deep. This person is important to me and I hold him/her in the highest regard a friend could have. I trust this person with my problems, my concerns, and my joys, but now it is difficult to want to share anything with this person. While I was glad that this person was straightforward with me, which is something we've been working on, it wasn't something that needed to be said. It was rude and inconsiderate and made me extremely angry. Wrathful. I don't like feeling that way. It's so hard to forgive sometimes and I'm not sure how to ask God to help me in this. Instead of a friend, I feel like a burden now. I've never felt like this in the year and a half that we have spent time together. I have known this person since I was seven years old and ... well, I guess I can't really "know" someone. I can't say I'm surprised that this happened. I have invested a lot of time and energy into this relationship and now I feel like abandoning the situation. I'm supposed to love my neighbors, but it's especially difficult when that love is not reciprocated. It makes me want to change the company I keep and disappear, though they(you) are all wonderful people. It makes me want to find a new home. It makes me want to leave. It makes me feel like a shadow instead of a sunburst, which was what this person was to me. I want this person to know that it will take a long time for me to open up again. I also want this person to know that I am strong and I will do what is necessary to live life as God calls me to. I will still be able to reach out and to smile, but I feel that it is time to direct my positive energy as much inwardly as I do to others. I want to say that I'm extremely thankful for everyone I've met recently, especially at Coe. It seems like I meet someone new and exciting every day who shares the same kinds of passions and goals that I have. Sorry I've been ignoring you, guys. It's clear that I need to direct my attention somewhere other than where it's been.

Sorry for the "diary entry," but they say to write what you know.